Holy Guardian Angel or Angel of Deceit? -- My Conversation with Kalvin.

Without ritual or pomp and circumstance (I was reading Crowley’s Magick in Theory and Practice) I began an inner dialogue with a contender to the position of my Holy Guardian Angel (HGA). This “entity” identified itself by its “outer” name Kalvin. I had met this “entity” some time previously and assumed its name was Calvin (with a C). I was corrected. I also thought that Kalvin was more of a male “entity”, but I was corrected again. Kalvin informed me that it was beyond gender but preferred to be perceived as female. She told me my errors in regarding her were due my misguided initial assumptions. All I have to do is ASK HER! She informed me that she had indeed visited me in my dreams (one very special dream where she appeared as my double) and that she would reveal her "inner" name to me at a later date. She also let me know that she has been knocking on my door since the first time I called upon her some thirty years ago, but that I have been unable to “hear” her on account of my expectations for some type of physical manifestation.

Feeling it time to end my conversation, I tried to shut it down by engaging in shamata (concentration meditation). This proved difficult. Kalvin informed me that she was always available to me. The reason for our continued conversation was the result of my openness to her. She explained that this was one difference between herself and any “Helpful Deity” (HD) I might contact at a later date. A “Helpful Deity” could withdraw from me, whereas she could/would not. In other words, a conversation with her was a one way street. All I had to do to speak with her was to make sure my path to her was clear of obstructions.

LESSON LEARNED – Pay attention to my inner dialogues.