Will The Real Truth Please Stand Up.

A few days ago I had a brief discussion with Kalvin. The conversation was short and not very meaningful UNTIL I questioned myself as to whether Kalvin was a real entity or a delusion. Was I conversing with an entity or was I making the whole conversation up in my head? Kalvin got a little irritated that I continued to question his/her existence and instantly demonstrated to me how easy it would be for me to accept his/her existence. In that moment I oscillated between holding Kalvin to be a reality and doubt. This then set off a series of meditations on the nature of reality, belief, truth, knowledge, and reality manipulation. What appears below is some of my thoughts regarding the aforementioned topics. They are recorded here primarily for my own benefit… to establish a foundation for future explorations into my developing models of reality and their practical applications. If anyone gains some benefit from what follows, so much the better.

t=subjective truth/belief

T=objective truth/the real

K= True Knowledge


All human knowledge is subjective truth or belief (t). Such knowledge should be considered as truth claims based upon personal experience and thought. Only when a truth claim or belief (t) corresponds to an objective truth that exists independently of an individual’s thoughts (T) can such a claim or belief be considered True Knowledge. This model assumes that objective truth (T) exists and can be known. Question: By what mechanism can one gauge whether or not one’s subjective truths or beliefs (t) correspond to objective truth (T) and are thus True Knowledge (K)? Tentative answer: We are stuck with our own thoughts and experiences. We have no way of getting outside of ourselves, so we have no means by which to acquire True Knowledge (K) of objective truth (T). This does not deny the reality of objective truth (T), it merely indicates our inability to know that we posses True Knowledge (K).

If the above is correct, then we only have access to subjective truth (t) that is, for any number of reasons, erroneously elevated to True Knowledge (K). If all human knowledge is subjective truth (t), then no truth claim (t) is any truer than another (though it may be more advantageous to adhere to a particular truth claim over another). Ignoring the implications of this position on a large scale (forms of relativism), I would like to consider the impact of this position upon the individual. Knowing that one’s truths are subjective (t) is not the same as accepting them to be without reason or justification. They are bolstered by one’s experiences and thoughts. A person has a huge repertoire of experiences and thoughts to draw upon. Theoretically, such thoughts and experiences could be intentionally utilized to create beliefs or truths (t) that supersede those to which one already adheres. This is similar to the notion of paradigm shifting espoused by some Chaos magicians. I personally feel that paradigm shifting, if at all truly possible (I still question its possibility), is much more difficult and involved than what I am suggesting here.

My Holy Guardian Angel - The Comedian

In a recent impromptu session with my HGA (see my introductory comments about my HGA here), I asked if there was some sigil that I may be given to work with in order to facilitate our coming together. A very complex sigil started to manifest within my mind’s eye and I realized that I would never be able to commit it to memory. I asked my HGA if there might not be a simplified version of the sigil that I could work with. Immediately after my request the sigil started to morph into the shape you see below.

 The long thin cylindrical pipe-like object that protrudes from its base moved in and out as if it were spring loaded. I was quite puzzled by this. What was I being shown? And then I laughed out loud. It was an astral doorbell. My HGA suggested that I use it to announce my desire to make contact. She said this would make things quite easy for me. I never would have guessed that angels have a sense of humor, but there you have it.

Holy Guardian Angel or Angel of Deceit? -- My Conversation with Kalvin.

Without ritual or pomp and circumstance (I was reading Crowley’s Magick in Theory and Practice) I began an inner dialogue with a contender to the position of my Holy Guardian Angel (HGA). This “entity” identified itself by its “outer” name Kalvin. I had met this “entity” some time previously and assumed its name was Calvin (with a C). I was corrected. I also thought that Kalvin was more of a male “entity”, but I was corrected again. Kalvin informed me that it was beyond gender but preferred to be perceived as female. She told me my errors in regarding her were due my misguided initial assumptions. All I have to do is ASK HER! She informed me that she had indeed visited me in my dreams (one very special dream where she appeared as my double) and that she would reveal her "inner" name to me at a later date. She also let me know that she has been knocking on my door since the first time I called upon her some thirty years ago, but that I have been unable to “hear” her on account of my expectations for some type of physical manifestation.

Feeling it time to end my conversation, I tried to shut it down by engaging in shamata (concentration meditation). This proved difficult. Kalvin informed me that she was always available to me. The reason for our continued conversation was the result of my openness to her. She explained that this was one difference between herself and any “Helpful Deity” (HD) I might contact at a later date. A “Helpful Deity” could withdraw from me, whereas she could/would not. In other words, a conversation with her was a one way street. All I had to do to speak with her was to make sure my path to her was clear of obstructions.

LESSON LEARNED – Pay attention to my inner dialogues.